(We can all thank Britt Pitt for the following post.)

Last week my roommates and I planned a little dinner thing at Joe's Crab Shack at 5:30. As could be expected, none of us were there at 5:30. Brittany and I got there first, though, so we kind of sat around and waited for the rest to show up. Now, for those of you who haven't been inside a Joe's Crab Shack, let me explain something, you look inside and you think, wow, a lot of second hand stores must have been emptied to achieve this effect. The walls are COVERED in random things, like plastic crabs, Elvis, baseball cards, toasters, jet skiis, and body parts, like, seriously, COVERED. So, Brittany and I are in the walkway looking at all the stuff and I find what I think is one of those old video games, (we had a baseball one when I was younger) and so I start pushing all the buttons and looking at the screen to try and figure it out. The screen was saying things like "disable"...ooooo and "fire" ahhhhh and "alarm" uh, oh and if you are just a tiny bit smarter than me maybe you'll put two and two together and realize that if you ever find yourself eating at Joe's in the future and the crabs are on fire, maybe you better just head for the nearest exit...

Last night between the hours of 8 and 9 p.m., these things apparently took place while I was present:

Some people talked to me.
My roommate Helen came home.
Someone stopped by looking for Helen and I told them she wasn't home.
Someone called.
Some people came over.
Our neighbors asked us to come over and watch "Just Married."

As these things were happening, I really wasn't aware they were happening, because the best television show ever made is on Tuesday nights between 8 and 9.

Written across the front doors of my office are the words, "Do you have something stupid to say or sell? Well come in and tell the girl at the front desk all about it, because she really wants to know all about it." A teenage girl came in, introduced herself to me and said, "I represent students who are for abstinence, because, you know, like, morals are really bad right now." As she said this she began unveiling a worn-out white box from which she pulled out several linoleum prints of tigers and pianos and tried to convince me to give her $15 for one of them. I told her that as much as I like bronzed pictures of tigers, I could not buy one unless she was willing to trade it for a few pieces of anti-sex chocolates. She was not. So, I told her the best I could offer her was my continued efforts to not have sex.

When I saw The Fast and the Furious, I was pretty sure there was no one I'd rather be with in a dark alley than Vin Diesel, but after going to the Foo Fighters concert last night I'm positive if I was being mugged, no one could scream for help louder than Dave Grohl. And as for Pete Yorn, well, I don't think he'd be much help without some mace, however, I would definitely kiss him in a dark alley.

Nothing spells blind date gold like tinfoil dinners and gripping dinner conversation like:

"So what does 'Skinhead' sound like, oh wait, what's the name of that group you like, oh right, I meant 'Radiohead?'"
"Now when you're branding a cow...."
"Don't panic if you start smelling buring oil."
"Have you ever been to Jordan, Montana?"
"Hey I like to read too. I read the Book of Mormon every night."
"Have you ever been on a really bad blind date before?"
"Now what exactly is hip hop?" With the follow-up question, "Now I don't think I'm familiar with R&B."

Now granted the chicken was good, but I just don't think we were on the same page. But as Tres, the computer lab attendant says, "what do pages have to do with making babies?"