Every time I go on a trip, it takes a few days for me to adjust. I remember the exact moment I adjusted to Italy. In Milano, everything is about the aesthetic. Even the drinking fountains are designed more for looks than for actually dispensing clean drinking water. To get a drink in Milano, you stop up a fountain with your finger to push the water towards your mouth. Which means the water you are drinking has passed through literally thousands of hands and mouths. Staring at that fountain, I realized I was at a crossroads in my trip and I DRANK THE WATER.

One night, while walking around the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele, Jazmin turned to me and started pointing to a mosaic of a bull on the ground. She began trying to act out what I was supposed to do, which looked a lot like grinding my heel into the bull's groin. Suprisingly this was right on. I dug my heal into the bull, and spun three times, something the Italian men do regularly, and now theoretically I am more sexually potent than I was before.

List of Italians molested by me in Italy.
1. Il Porcellino
2. Torino Bull
3. Carabinieri

That night we also went to a concert at the Duomo, which turned out to be the MTV Italia TRL Awards. Hillary Duff won like everything and he came up in conversations with almost everyone. "Ciao, where you from...oh you know ill a reeee, oh I love ill ah reee." Francesco explained that Italians love Hillary because she is ..."scandaluz wiz a man on dee elevaterrrr." Also Italian rap group Inoki won for best Italian cornrows.

My last day in Milan we went to the Europa Amusement Park, although driving to the park was scarier than any ride, like a massive racing video game and the results were for keeps. My favorite part of the park was the fun house. This was one of those rides where the floor is made of rollers and there are stairs that go up and down. You know what I mean. Anyways, places like that are super boring in America. But in Italy, the building/health/safety codes are a little, how you say, interessante, and this makes for a much more exciting caterpiller ride. It's pretty exhilarating to turn the corner in a roller coaster and wonder if you are actually going to turn, or go off the rails. The fun house was absolutely pitch black, with extremely dangerous machinery, and no one to hear your screams.