I came to the realization last year that I just might not be cut out for a life of luxury and excess, when a date picked me up and asked if I liked his car. I thought it was a pretty nice Oldsmobile and I told him so. Yeah, pretty nice because it was a MERCEDES!!

Why I think it's possible that I might never have an eating disorder.

I live in a highly competitive college town. Heaven forbid us girls compete for something like grades. Oh no, we compete for something far more elusive: Guys who will marry us. Often the competition is friendly, with only a polite 8-round boxing match or stately duel to determine who is allowed to pursue. But every so often, these methods are ineffectual. If, say, the guy is the son of the dean of the Marriott School of Business, and can trace his lineage back to Brigham Young, and may possibly be the next elder's quorom president, then you have no ordinary guy on your hands. That's when your typical BYU girl pulls out the BIG GUNS, or in other words, anorexia.

So, as an enterprising young BYU girl, I tried to be like all the other BYU girls, but that desire to conform could never overcome the two basic ideas that form my way-of-being....That I really like the way my body looks and that I really like Taco Bell. This stark reality came to a head this week when my roommate got me a gym membership. I went to the gym and tried to be obsessive but for me, just holding the pass was enough to make me think I was in-shape. Hmmmm. And then earlier in the week I watched a thing on NOVA about anorexia, and sure, it made me feel a little sad and depressed, but mostly I was left with an overwhelming sense of HUNGER.

It's days like today when we separate the men from the boys or in other words, the real Utahns from those only pretending to be Utahns, (like people who are really from places like Nevada or California or Moab.) People who all winter long have been saying how much they just luuuuv winter. How beautiful and peaceful it is when the temperature dips down to a rigid 34 degrees?! How much fun it is to run around outside in their brand new parkas and drive around with their brand new four-wheel drives in HALF-INCHES of snow. Up until today we have not SEEN winter. 34 degrees in Utah is called MAY folks!!

As opposed to a "How do you rate as a girlfriend quiz," I prefer a "How well do you have Carolyn's week-end memorized quiz."

Carolyn learned two things this weekend. One thing she did not learn was:
a)How to stay upright while snowboarding.
b)Astronauts can swallow using one of Newton's laws.
c)The definition of the word "Golem."

On a typical winter week-end, Carolyn shows off the back of her leg an average of 0.002 times. This week-end it was proudly displayed____times.
a)13 or something like that.
b)2
c)46
d)You better not have picked 46 or you're dead meat.

In a conversation with my mother on Sunday, two things were discussed. These two things were:
a)My dinner and Iranian cinema.
b)My dating life and my job.
c)The war and...okay, fine, the answer's A.

The post weekend wrap-up.

Friday, or The Best Valentine's Day of My Life EVER: Learn how to snowboard, also known as falling. Like falling so much, I want to go again this Friday. Go out to eat and drink six drinks during the course of the meal. (P.S. You know you live in a resort town when you can walk into a restaurant in your long johns and no one bats an eye, either that or you live in the old west?)

Saturday: Try to move without using any muscles.

Sunday: Regain limited use of my left pinky. Hobble to church. Find that my mobile left pinky comes in handy when playing the piano for a fireside.

I have been late to work every day this week. Why is this, you ask? Well, I will tell you. It is because I don't go to bed early enough. The logical thing then would be to go to bed earlier, right? So, can someone please tell me why I was awake at 1:00 a.m. last night watching Puck and Betty get married on "Real World/Road Rules:Battle of the Sexes?" (It is probably connected with the same line of reasoning that allows me to stay late at work...not to work, but to write this.)

I'd like to know just WHO is getting paid to discover?

I couldn't even get bad credit if I wanted to. And I wanted to. I applied for my very first credit card last week. And I was denied. What kind of people get denied? My kind of people get denied. This is disheartening and I am taking it very personally. My denial letter said, and I quote, "Thank you for thinking you could possibly be trusted with a $500 credit line. That is a happy thought. Unfortunately it is also a dumb one and one that we can not agree with you on. Although just about anyone can get a credit card, you can not. You are stupid stupid stupid." I guess I'll just keep pretending I'm a big kid with my visa check card .

I saw this last night with my sister and she had this to say about the whole thing. The movie made me very, very glad I have never cut down a peach tree because apparently in Japan, they believe the spirit of the tree will come back to haunt you by doing a little song and dance number in your backyard. And what could possibly be scarier than a bunch of peach blossom ghosts in kimonos?

Uhhh, so my alma mater is pulling out all the stops for Black History Month. Nothing screams "we, like, SO know who Malcom X is" like a soul train 70's dance, free style competition and "The Wiz." But I guess it's not all the school's fault.

This weekend I saw two movies: "Signs" and "The Hours". I feel a comparison is in order.

First, the summaries:

"Signs" is a movie where Mel Gibson, a preacher who also grows corn, finds crop circles one morning and has to save his family from an alien invasion.
"The Hours" is a movie that explores how three women are connected to the novel "Mrs. Dalloway." And they all three kiss another woman by the end of the film.

Number of times I screamed out in horror during Signs: 2 The Hours: 5
Number of main characters who die horrible deaths in Signs: 2 The Hours: 2
Element of nature used as a storytelling device in Signs: Water The Hours: Water
Plant which is used as a focal point of the story in Signs:Corn The Hours:Hydrangeas
My biggest fear in Signs:That aliens were going to destroy the world. The Hours:That Claire Danes was going to kiss an 80-year-old Julianne Moore.
Most frequently overheard comment after the movie Signs:"Wake up Derek." The Hours"Wait...whaaaa? I thought I was in line for 'Kangaroo Jack.'"